Friday, October 21, 2011

two truths and a lie

Two truths and a lie
(in that particular order)

* I took a calculus class
* I took a computer programming class
* I passed both of these classes
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And now for relevance, or some semblance of it.

Substitute teaching has it's obvious pluses and minuses...
                                            -
                               great hours                                      not much $ for those great hours
                   days off whenever you want              sick days off from over-exposure to germs
     being around kids all day                    being around crazy kids all day

And the trump + benefit of subbing... it's fun!
Yes, I daresay substitute teaching is really fun. At the core, a substitute teacher is an actor. {Usually acting the part of a teacher} Though sometimes I deviate from the norm... yes, I've been known to use a british accent and the likes to make my job more entertaining. Whatevs! Everybody loves Mrs. Bingham from jolly England :)

Today I played the part of the extremely intelligent (codeword: geeky and nerdy) computer science and calculus teacher. And they were AP classes too.  I loathe those advanced placement students. I was those AP students. OK, so I was a less smart version of those students. I digress. All this to say I was slightly intimidated by their smarts.

Back to the bennies of subbing...
These highschoolers don't know that I got a no credit in c++ (computer science) from Mr. Clark my senior year in highschool. He was an amazing teacher, btw, I am just technologically inferior to the nth degree. I also got a c in Fortran in college but that's because I made a fashion design program instead of the stupid quadratic equation function program we were assigned. In my defense, my project was the cutest.  Anyway, the kids don't know about those flops and they also aren't aware that I dropped out ok flunked out of my 2nd quarter "calculus with engineering applications" course at Cal Poly. Yikes 2002 was a real pain in the brain. Turns out those engineering apps don't make math any more user friendly. But hey, who let an 18 year old who couldn't pass alg 2 tryg into an advanced calc class anyway? I am the victim here.

So as an "acting" teacher I use it to my advantage that the students aren't privvy to any of my credentials or lack thereof.  So as far as they're concerned, I'm a mathematical genius! If I tell them I aced the SATs they have no choice but to believe me. Subbing is a real confidence boost. At least until they start asking me questions about coordinates in space or computer codes. That's when I'm forced to 'fess up... "Ok kids, so remember all that stuff I said about being a rocket scientist working for NASA?  The truth is I'm actually a special ops technician for SNASA. (secret NASA - props to Barney Stinson from HIMYM for that one :)  and as such, I'm not at liberty to relate any information regarding your query." Unless of course the teacher left an answer key, then I totally help them out!

Actually, that's all a big fat lie. Students aren't stupid, so I'm honest with them. Mostly (I don't let them stand next to me to prove that I'm not quite 5 feet tall. I lose that one everytime.)  And in all honesty, I would really like to use my elementary teaching credential and have my own classroom. Maybe 2nd or 3rd grade (you know, where I don't have to fake my math skills. I totally rock those times tables!)  But my certification is in CA and there's a hiring freeze in TX so I just get to sub for the time being. Well, sub and improve my acting technique. Mrs. Bingham is far from brilliant.

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