Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Apparently I'm old, and Antlers are on trend.

In the last 24 hours I realized something of a bummer.

I got old.

I knew this would happen, but it's still an unwelcomed surprise.
Like my 6 AM alarm.
Like the {not so} fine lines on my face.
These are the kinds of surprises I could do without.

A fun surprise was when I gave Andrew concert tickets for one of his favorite bands, The Shins, for Valentine's Day. The show was last night and it was downtown. I draw attention to the fact that it was in downtown San Antonio because that equates to a 45 minute drive in traffic to go approximately 20 miles. On the long drive back home, I comprised a list of 10 signs that I am getting old...

Sign #1 that I am old: I considered staying home because I hate driving in traffic.

Sign #2 that I am old: We got to the concert an hour early to secure a good spot in line and I made Andrew wait in said line while I took a nap in the car.

Sign #3: The blue wristband they made me wear to publically out me as "older" in the crowd.

Sign #4: That said wristband allowed me to consume alcohol, but the crotchety old lady in me thinks $3 for a can of Lonestar is outrageous. I'd rather have a latte.

Sign #5: Younger, less cranky Brenda would have accepted the cold, hard truth that midgets can't see much at concerts and that this is actually a pretty decent view.

But last night when Amazon Antler lady (seriously, reindeer antlers on her head!) obnoxiously shoved her way through the crowd, only to plant herself 2 centimeters in front of me, and positioned herself so that my face and her left armpit were in perfect alignment, I had a conniption.

Here's how it went down:

Me: "Umm, Hi. I can't see the stage, or really anything, when you stand RIGHT in front of me."
Antler Lady: {nothing}
Me: {louder} "Yeah, not only can I not see (after patiently standing here for 2 hours before the Shins come on stage to ensure that I could have a good decent vantage point) but no one behind me can see either because you are wearing freaking antlers on your head!"
Antler Lady: "Oh, ok. I'll move." {Rolls eyes, looks down at phone and commences texting... Seriously. If you're going to shove me out of your way and wedge yourself in front of me at least watch the concert! She still isn't moving.}

Now people besides me are getting angry.

Random guy behind me: "Do they even allow deer here?"
Me: "Apparently, but this one could sure use some deer-odorant. Whooey!"
Antler Lady: {Not amused by my comment, but still reeking to high heaven} "FINE. I'LL MOVE!!!"

Success :)

I felt guilty for being so unusually rude, but when every single person around us thanked me for getting psycho antler a-hole (their words) gone I felt vindicated. And old for reprimanding someone in public. But mostly vindicated. At least now I could see well enough to snap a couple blurry pics...

Sign #6: After waiting 2 hours for the not so great opening act to come on at 8 - I mean their name was something to the effect of "wolf crying band" so I don't know why I was surprised. (Andrew just corrected me, it's actually "Sad Baby Wolf" you can see how I get it confused!)  And waiting another hour and a half for The Shins to play at 9:30, we didn't get out of there until almost midnight... on a school night. My knees, back, and feet ache so bad after standing for essentially 5 hours straight that I had to take extra glucosamine and chondroitin for joint support vitamins this morning.
I can feel the arthritis coming on.
Old person problems!

Sign #7: I had to plug my ears the entire sad, crying, baby wolf band performance several times throughout the night to protect my eardrums so I don't go deaf when I get old (which is apparently already happening.)

Sign #8: There was a distinct smell of marijuana in the air and my response (besides plugging my nose) was "Oh great. Now I have to get up even earlier for work tomorrow because I need to wash the weed smell out of my hair so my students don't think I'm a pothead." Clearly the 2nd hand high did not mellow me out.

Sign #9: I was starving by the time the concert got out, but all that was open was the Jack in the Box drive thru. So I ate 4 tacos. (On second thought, maybe I did get the munchies from the permeating fumes at the concert.) Hmm. But needing to eat every few hours is definitely a sign of being old. In my prime I could run on a handful of pretzels and a stick of gum. I could also fit into my clothes better. I hate getting old!

Sign #10: The Shins were awesome, but this little outing on a Tuesday night is going to take me the rest of the week to recover from.

When did I get to be so old?


1 comment:

  1. Haaaa!! I love this and would probably feel very similarly if ever forced to go to a concert. But I would have been done after sign #1, because dealing with traffic is enough of a deal-breaker for me that I'd have never made it to the rest of the list. But I'm pretty impressed with how you handled ol' Antlers!! Way to be crotchety!

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